If This Book Exists, You’re in the Wrong Universe by Jason Pargin David Wong

Author:Jason Pargin, David Wong [Wong, Jason Pargin, David]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags:  
Publisher: Titan Books

John

A peek at the security monitor revealed nothing at all, because it had apparently fallen off its mount into the grass. But a look out the window revealed Detective Coiffure was at the gate, studying the “shot by robots” warning sign and, from his expression, considering trying his luck. Just as John had pictured it.

“Let me guess,” John said as he approached the gate, “you’re here to give us an award for taking care of your problem last night. Do we get the key to the city? Actually, is that a real thing, or is that just something they do on TV?”

“Let’s go inside. It’s hotter than a camel’s asshole out here.”

John wasn’t crazy about letting law enforcement into his home for a number of reasons, but honestly, if this guy wanted to arrest him, he could pretty much do it any time he felt like it. John’s crew was mainly protected by the fact that nobody wanted that hassle. He let the detective into the kitchen, and as soon as he entered, Coiffure’s eyes went right to the DO NOT OPEN cabinet next to the refrigerator. True to his nature, he immediately reached out to open it.

John said, “DON’T. I’m serious. Not unless you want a mess you’ll be cleaning up for a long, long time.”

Coiffure gave John a hard look, but decided not to press the issue and withdrew his hand. John led him into the living room, where he declined John’s offer to sit down. He glanced around the room, then spotted the camera in the corner near the ceiling.

“Take that down.”

John did, then Coiffure examined it to make sure it was off. John expected him to ask if they were alone, but he apparently had just assumed that they were. Joy was nowhere in sight and was making no noises. John wondered if she hadn’t just evaporated completely. That was a thing she could do, if she wanted to avoid a conversation badly enough.

Satisfied that he was not being recorded, the detective said, “I’ll make this short. I got a visit from Dalton Galveston just now. He seems pretty sure you guys might know something about the missing kid and the multiple mutilated victims we have on our hands after last night. And he seems even more sure that the department is in on it somehow or turning a blind eye at the very least.”

“Yeah, I talked to him. You remember Amy asking you last night about a missing toy? And a spooky book? We still need those. But the big thing is we need access to his son, and that’s a problem if Dad is determined to get in our way. What do you think we can do?”

“Oh, did you think I came here to help you? Fuck no. See, the problem is, Mr. Galveston has money, notoriety, and some prominent friends back where they’re from. He says whoever or whatever is doing this is posing a danger to his family, and he’s threatening to turn this into a Thing if it doesn’t get solved posthaste.

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